You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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