Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
