I wish life had little blips of pornography
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
