i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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