i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
