Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
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