Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
