Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
