I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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