I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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