I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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