I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The ass gains better be worth it
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