remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
