Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
