so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
