i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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