im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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