i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
True college students do jello shots in the library
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