She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
