I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
