weddingsv make me drug and hornr
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
