2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
