That's when you crack a 10am beer
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
