i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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