I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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