hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
