I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
