Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
