i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm passing your future prison.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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