Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize