I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
