Are we in a gay sports bar?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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