Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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