we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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