My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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