my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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