thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
