Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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