The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
