The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
