I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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