Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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