When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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