I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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