Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
