If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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