Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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