"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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