Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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