Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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