i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
