My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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