I hope mine doesn't look like that
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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