remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
