is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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