And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
