I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
