How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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