The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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