I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
