You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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