I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
