I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
