i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
