I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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