Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
