I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
