I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
