Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
