I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
