Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
