she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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