3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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