dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
