I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Is it penis luge time yet?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize