I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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